Wednesday, November 22, 2017

2017 NFL Power Rankings (Week 11!)

ESPN and Sports Illustrated can eat shit - these are the only pro football rankings anybody needs.

By: Jimbo X

This Week's Episode:
"Thanks for nothin'"


Philadelphia Eagles (9-1)
Season Point Differential: +132

Pending he doesn't break his butthole or something like that this weekend, Carson Wentz is pretty much a look for this year's MVP award. His outstanding play continued in Sunday night's 37-9 spankin' of the Cowboys, as he went 14 for 27 for 168 yards and two touchdown passes. But let's give Philly's D some props, too - after all, they did force four turnovers (including three interceptions) off Dak Prescott, in addition to dropping his ass four times for negative 32 yards.

New Orleans Saints (8-2)
Season Point Differential: +106

With 5:58 left in the fourth quarter, the Saints were down 31-16 against the Redskins. So, naturally, Drew Brees would toss two consecutive touchdown passes, with Alvin Kamara running it in a two-point conversion to make it 31-31 with 1:05 left in regulation. Of course, overtime rolls around and at the 7:25 mark, Wil Lutz kicked a 28-yard chip shot to give New Orleans quite possibly the single most improbable comeback victory of the 2017 season.

New England Patriots (8-2)
Season Point Differential: +87

Tom Brady went 30 for 37 for 339 yards and three TD passes as the Pats steamrolled the Raiders 33-8 in Mexico City Sunday. Brandin Cooks chalked up an impressive 149 yards and one end zone saunter on six receptions, while Danny Amendola collected 66 yards and a TD haul on eight catches. Oh, and because nobody had the balls to bring it up, the Patriots/Raiders clash coincidentally pitted the absolute whitest team in pro football against the absolute blackest - like you even need me to tell you which is which, either.

Minnesota Vikings (8-2)
Season Point Differential: +69

The Vikes defense held steady against one of the League's most potent offensive threats, as Minnesota thumped the Rams 24-7 Sunday. Case Keenum went 27 for 38 for 280 yards and one TD pass (to wideout Adam Thielen, who finished the game with 123 yards on six catches), while ex-Raider Latavius Murray chalked up two touchdown runs and 95 yards on 15 carries. And let's hear it for that rushing defense - holding Todd Gurley to just 37 yards on the day is definitely something to boast about.

Pittsburgh Steelers (8-2)
Season Point Differential: +67

Big Ben had arguably his best game of the season in last Thursday's 40-17 win over the Titans. He went 30 for 45 for 299 yards and four touchdown passes, with Antonio Brown collecting three touchdown hauls and 144 yards on ten receptions. Still, Le'Veon Bell had a pretty poor showing - at the final horn, he was held to just 46 yards on 12 carries, with no end zone appearances.

Los Angeles Rams (7-3)
Season Point Differential: +117

The Rams fell flat against the Vikings Sunday, losing 24-7. Jared Goff went 23 for 37 for 225 yards but no TD passes, while Todd Gurley could only muster a solo TD and 37 yards on 15 carries. Alas, the defense had no hope penetrating the Vikings offensive line - they recorded no sacks and had only six tackles for losses all game long.

Jacksonville Jaguars (7-3)
Season Point Differential: +104

Yeah, it was just the Browns, but you can't overlook the awesomeness of Jacksonville's D. The Jags held DeShone Kizer to 179 yards on the day, which you might as well roll back to 134 considering the fact "Sacksonville" put him flat on his ass five times for a cumulative loss of 45 yards. And if that wasn't enough, they also picked off the former Fighting Irish twice, caused him to fumble the ball thrice and hit him after the pass eight times.

Carolina Panthers (7-3)
Season Point Differential: +33

The Panthers had a bye last week but Cam and company will be back in action this Sunday for a 1 o'clock (local time) skirmish with the Jets. Speaking of Cam, if you were wondering what his stats were heading into week 11, wonder no more - in ten games, he's racked up 2,232 yards and 14 touchdown passes, plus another 436 yards and four TDs running the ball - which, technically, makes him a more productive ball carrier than Latavius Murray, Marshawn Lynch, Dion Lewis or Adrian Peterson at this point in the season.

Bitch, in Jacksonville they don't play.


Seattle Seahawks (6-4)
Season Point Differential: +43

Seattle came up three points short in a 34-31 home loss to the Falcons on Monday night. Russell Wilson went 26 for 42 for 258 yards, two touchdown passes and one interception - plus he racked up another 86 yards and one rushing score on seven carries. Still, the O-line has gotta' do a better job protecting him; Atlanta defenders managed to sack him three times, knock the ball loose from him once and smack him after the pass eight times.

Kansas City Chiefs (6-4)
Season Point Differential: +42

In what has to be the "get the fuck out of here" upset of the season thus far, the Chiefs actually lost 12-9 to the New York Giants over the weekend. Even more remarkable, Alex Smith managed to lob TWO interceptions over the course of the game, finishing the outing with 230 yards and no touchdown passes. And if that wasn't bad enough for you, you HAVE to see Travis Kelce's attempt at throwing the ball - all I can say is holy goddamn fucking shit.

Detroit Lions (6-4)
Season Point Differential: +37

Detroit just barely prevailed over the Bears 27-24, but hey - a victory is still a victory, especially in this National Football League. Anyhoo, Matt Stafford went 21 for 31 for 299 yards and two touchdown passes, with Marvin Jones Jr. finishing the day with 85 yards and one TD haul on four catches. Alas, this team's ability to stop the run might as well be called a disability to run the ball, considering the defense let Chicago outgain 'em on the ground 222 yards to freakin' 64.

Atlanta Falcons (6-4)
Season Point Differential: +21

It ain't easy beating Seattle on their home turf, but the Falcons did precisely that, eking out a 34-31 victory on the road last Monday night. Matt Ryan went 19 for 27 for 195 yards and two TD passes, with Julio Jones recording 71 yards on five receptions. Running back Tevin Coleman had a pretty decent showing, too - he wrapped up the game with 43 yards and one TD on 20 carries.

Tennessee Titans (6-4)
Season Point Differential: -31

The Titans got rekt last Thursday night, dropping a 40-17 loss to the Steelers. Marcus Mariota managed to lob FOUR interceptions in the crushing defeat, ultimately concluding the game 22 for 33 with 306 yards and only one touchdown throw. But on the plus side? He did manage to creep his way into the end zone for a rare scrambling score - you know, not like it really mattered or anything like that.

Baltimore Ravens (5-5)
Season Point Differential: +42

The Ravens positively SQUASHED the Packers last Sunday, blanking Green Bay 23-0 at Lambeau. Joe Flacco went 22 for 28 for 183 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT split, but really, this game was all about Baltimore's D; not only did they pick off Brett Hundley three times, they sacked him six times for negative 49 yards and hit him after the pass an astounding eleven times

Dallas Cowboys (5-5)
Season Point Differential: 0

The Cowboys got drubbed Sunday night as the Eagles dominated them 37-9. Dak Prescott got intercepted thrice, fumbled away the ball once and was sacked four times by Philadelphia's defenders, as he finished the contest with a scant 145 yards and zero touchdown passes on 18 completions. And don't even ask about this team's rush defense; only able to rack up 112 yards without Ezekiel Elliot in the backfield, Dallas' D let the Eagles running back committee chalk up 215 yards on the ground, with two rushing touchdowns.

Green Bay Packers (5-5)
Season Point Differential: -26

Well, shit. What can you say about the Packers' horrendous 23-0 loss to Baltimore at home? Needless to say, Brett Hundley (21 for 36 for 239 yards, zero TD passes and three interceptions) probably ain't going to be the future franchise QB. Indeed, if he keeps playing so poorly, it's hard to imagine any team acquiring him once he's a free agent next season. Which, of course, raises an interesting question: will Green Bay roll the dice on a first round backup QB in next spring's draft? Considering what this season has taught 'em, I definitely wouldn't bet against it.

Don't you just hate it when you have to admit a white man is your superior?


Buffalo Bills (5-5)
Season Point Differential: -42

Woo boy, I reckon it's safe to say the Nathan Peterson experiment is over in Buffalo. In a horrific 54-24 loss to the Chargers, Nate The Not-So Great lobbed FIVE interceptions, including a pick six tossed into the arms of Korey Toomer barely three minutes into the first half. Completing six of 14 passes, Peterson finished the game with a literally retarded QBR of just 0.3 - thus, ensuring this guy probably won't ever start in a pro football game ever again, unless that shit's happening in Canada on a 110-yard-long field.

Los Angeles Chargers (4-6)
Season Point Differential: +25

Considering the fact L.A. beat Buffalo by 30 points, I reckon it's safe to say the Chargers had a pretty good day on Sunday. Phil Rivers went 20 for 32 for 251 yards and two touchdown passes, with Keenan Allen finishing the game with 159 yards and two touchdown hauls on 12 completions. And yeah, the defense had a field day, too - at the final horn, the Chargers' defense racked up six turnovers, including two defensive touchdowns off an interception in the first and a fumble recovery in the third.

Houston Texans (4-6)
Season Point Differential: +5

In a 31-21 win over Arizona, Tom Savage went 22 for 32 for 230 yards, two touchdown passes and one interception. Back D'Onta Foreman had two rushing touchdowns on the day, wrapping up the contest with 65 yards on ten carries, while DeAndre Hopkins finished the outing with 76 yards and one end zone visit on only four receptions. And the Texans' D totally stifled any and all attempts by the Cardinals to run the ball; at the final horn, Houston held Arizona to a meager 48 yards on the ground.

New York Jets (4-6)
Season Point Differential: -21

The Jets were grounded for a bye last week, but they're back in action this Sunday for an afternoon tilt with the Panthers. In case you're wondering (and I know you're not, but just play along like you give a shit), the Jets are averaging 306.9 yards a game, giving them the League's 25th ranked offense heading into week 12. Defensively, they're doing slightly better - allowing 346.9 yards a game, their D is currently ranked 21st in the NFL.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-6)
Season Point Differential: -25

In an all Florida showcase, the Bucs outlasted the Fins 30-20 over the weekend. Tampa Bay is now 2-0 with Ryan Fitzpatrick under center - during last Sunday's game, he went 22 for 37 for 275 yards and two touchdown passes. So, uh, does that mean we officially have a quarterback controversy on our hands down there in Tampa?

Washington Redskins (4-6)
Season Point Differential: -28

There are heartbreaking losses, and then there are "holy shit, did we really just give up a 15-point lead in the final six minutes of the ballgame?" Well, that's a misery not a whole lot of us have experienced, but it's one the Washington Redskins certainly know firsthand following their 34-31 overtime loss to the Saints. At least Kirk Cousins can take some solace in posting some pretty good stats - going 22 for 32, he finished the game with 322 yards and three TD passes.

Cincinnati Bengals (4-6)
Season Point Differential: -30

The Bengals just narrowly held onto a 20-17 win against the Broncos, but hey - a victory is still a victory, no matter how small the margin. Anyhoo, Andy Dalton had one of his better performances of the year, going 15 for 25 for 154 yards and three touchdown passes against arguably the League's best overall defense. Even weirder, the Bengals not only won the game even though the accumulated substantially less rushing and passing yards than the Broncos, they even won despite two costly fumbles.

Oakland Raiders (4-6)
Season Point Differential: -46

Well, after getting their asses kicked 33-8 by the Patriots down Mexico way, the Raiders are pretty much all but eliminated from playoffs contention (barring an absolutely miraculous late season run, but let's get real - that shit ain't happening.) Derek Carr had a just sorta alright game (28 for 49 for 237 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT split), while Marshawn Lynch finished the game with 67 yards on 11 carries. And, as always, if you ever get a hankerin' to relive the misery as it happened, you can check out our LIVE play-by-play coverage from the event anytime you want right here.

You know the best thing about this video? It could come from any year since 1999.


Arizona Cardinals (4-6)
Season Point Differential: -78

The Cards couldn't get their run game goin' against Houston in Sunday's 31-21 defeat. In fact, Adrian Peterson could only muster a paltry 26 yards on 14 carries, and THE BLAINE GABBERT hardly performed any better playing quarterback. Sure, he did finish the game with 257 yards and three touchdown passes, but he also racked up two interceptions, a fumble, and ate two sacks for negative 13 yards - not exactly stats you'd consider jumping out of your seat over. Jumping off a bridge, though ... 

Miami Dolphins (4-6)
Season Point Differential: -97

The Dolphins continue to flounder, falling 30-20 to Tampa Bay Sunday. Jay Cutler (six for 13, 83 yards, one TD) wound up getting the bench treatment after lobbing three picks. Backup Matt Moore, however, played significantly better, wrapping up the game 17 for 28 for 282 yards and one touchdown pass. Oddly enough, Miami outyarded Tampa Bay running and throwing the ball, but alas, when you commit five turnovers and your opponent has zero, I reckon all the yardage in the world won't pull a W out of thin air, will it?

Chicago Bears (3-7)
Season Point Differential: -47

In a narrow 27-24 loss to Detroit, Chicago definitely beat the Lions on the ground. Jordan Howard's 125 rushing yards eclipsed Detroit's total rushing production by more than 50 yards, and at the final horn the Bears outpaced Detroit by a 222-to-65 rushing yardage differential. Still, Mitch "The Bitch" Trubisky is struggling - he wrapped up the game 18 for 30 for 179 yards, no touchdown throws and one interception on the day.

Denver Broncos (3-7)
Season Point Differential: -76

The Broncos continue to spiral down the commode, dropping last Sunday's game against Cincinnati 20-17. Despite outyarding the Bengals in the air 254 to 154 and on the ground 112 to 49, Brock Os and pals just couldn't seem to sniff their way into enemy end zone; alas, will the Broncos' fortunes improve when they start Paxton Lynch against the Raiders this Sunday, or will their six game losing streak hit (un)lucky number seven?

Indianapolis Colts (3-7)
Season Point Differential: -101

The Colts had a bye over the weekend and return this Sunday for an intra-AFC South scrap with the Titans. Posting 300.8 yards a game, Indianapolis possesses the League's 28th ranked offense heading into week 12; defensively, they fare even worse - allowing 395.8 yards a contest, their D is ranked 30th overall.

New York Giants (2-8)
Season Point Differential: -85

Believe it or not, the lowly, lowly G-Men managed to best the Chiefs 12-9 last Sunday. As fate would have it, Orleans Darkwa's lone rushing TD was the difference maker, as he finished the game with 74 yards on 20 carries. And not that it's a surprise or anything, but Eli Manning didn't exactly set the world on fire with his stats, despite the W - he wrapped up the contest 19 for 35 for 205 yards, no touchdowns and no interceptions.

San Francisco 49ers (1-9)
Season Point Differential: -86

After a bye, San Fran hosts Seattle this Sunday for a pivotal - well, not really - NFC West showdown. Averaging 325.9 yards a game, the Niners have the League's 22nd ranked offense. And if you think that's lackluster, you ought to take a gander at the defense; allowing opponents an average of 379.8 yards a game, their D ranks 27th in the NFL.

Cleveland Browns (0-10)
Season Point Differential: -109

If it's any consolation - and no, it really isn't - at least the Browns kept it somewhat close in their 19-7 loss to the Jaguars. To be fair, their defense DID hold Blake Bortles to just 154 yards, although their defense also let Leonard Fournette run circles around 'em for 111 yards on the day. Needless to say, there are a LOT of broken pieces this team needs to fix before they can be competitive - hell, if they keep stinkin' it up like this, they might as well give 'em TWO number one draft picks come next spring (that, or the League's gonna have to start spotting Cleveland 10 free points each game, just so the other teams will be quasi-inspired.) 

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

2017 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week 12!)

USA Today and the A.P. can take a hike - these are the only college football rankings anybody ought to care about.

By: Jimbo X

Do you honestly respect the opinions of organizations like ESPN or USA Today to give it to you straight about college football? Of course you don't, which is where The Internet In America's 2017 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings come into play. Every Wednesday throughout the '17 season we'll post our own selections for the best teams in college football, complete with hilariously un-P.C. (yet surprisingly thorough) recaps of their last games as well as a brief preview of their upcoming contests. Plus, we're throwing in a whole bunch of animated GIFs you can steal and post elsewhere on the 'net, because we're cool like that. Simply put, you won't get better NCAA football analysis anywhere on the Internet - and if anybody else dare claims their rankings are more authoritative, you proudly have my permission to go to their corporate offices and take a big fat stankin' shat right on their doorsteps. And with all of that out of the way, who's ready to revisit the week that was in the best kind of football there is - the one with unpaid black people without due process in rape accusations?

Alabama (11-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Auburn (Nov. 25)

No surprise, the Tide murder-death-killed Mercer over the weekend 56-to-goose turd. The season is on the line this Saturday, as Bama must travel to Jordan-Hare Stadium for an Iron Bowl showdown that will not only determine the SEC West participant in the Conference Championship Game, but mayhap even eliminate the loser from National Playoffs considerations. The stakes are sky high on this one - this isn't just must see TV, this is fuckin' steal a LCD on Black Friday if ya' really have to TV.

Miami (10-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Pittsburgh (Nov. 24)

It was 21-14 at halftime in last Saturday's Miami vs. Virginia tilt, and for a moment there, it looked like the Hurricanes were on upset alert. Of course, Miami then went on to score 30 unanswered points en route to a 44-28 win, so yeah - there's that. This Saturday's hootenanny with Pittsburgh means about as much as two shakes of a rat's dick, seeing as how they've already earned themselves a slot in the ACC Championship Game. Still, having an 11-0 record ain't a bad thing to have heading into Championship Saturday - especially when the digits on the right hand side of the win-loss column could spell the difference between a Playoffs appearance or an Orange Bowl runner-up prize.

Wisconsin (11-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Minnesota (Nov. 25)

Wisconsin remains undefeated after beating Michigan 24-10, and unless they REALLY fuck up historically bad, they should remain undefeated after this Saturday's shindig with the Golden Gophers. Win or lose, the Badgers have already secured a slot in this year's Big 10 title game - they'll be clashing with Ohio State in two weeks' time, and one would simply assume that if they wrap up the year 12-0, the selection committee would pretty much HAVE to give 'em a slot in the playoffs, wouldn't they?

Central Florida (10-0)
Next Opponent: vs. South Florida (Nov. 25)

The Knights have an opportunity to finish the regular season 11-0 with a win over South Florida this Saturday - which, yeah, ain't exactly a chip shot. Regardless, the victor of that game will clash with Memphis for the AAC crown in two weeks' time - alas, the National Playoffs Selection Committee being the Power Five nut huggers they are, don't expect even a 12-0 Central Florida team to even dream of making the pigskin final four.

Clemson (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. South Carolina (Nov. 25)

Following a 61-3 demolition of The Citadel, the Tigers clash with in-state rivals South Carolina in a pretty meaningless game this weekend. Clemson's no doubt looking past the Gamecocks and towards Dec. 2, when they'll duke it out with Miami for the ACC title. It can't get any easier, folks: if Clemson wins that one, they're in the playoffs. And if they lose? Have fun at the Orange Bowl, motherfuckers.

Don't worry - he'll get his just desserts when the Browns draft him first overall next year.

Oklahoma (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. West Virginia (Nov. 25)

After pummelin' Kansas 41-3, the Sooners just have to wait it out and see who's next on the docket. Sure, they do have the Mountaineers scheduled for this Saturday, but seeing as how they've already earned a spot in the first Big 12 Championship Game in more than a decade, something tells me they'll have their eyes firmly focused on how TCU and Oklahoma State fare over the weekend. And hey, if we're lucky, Baker Mayfield might do something dickish (literally) yet again!

Georgia (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Georgia Tech (Nov. 25)

Win or lose against the 5-5 Yellow Jackets this Saturday, the Bulldogs will be in the SEC title game a fortnight from now. The question is, which team will they wind up facing - an Auburn team that already drubbed 'em earlier this season or an Alabama colossus that eats run games like Tic-Tacs? Yeah, either way, the Bulldogs faithful shouldn't be too optimistic about what's in store for them Dec. 2 ...

Memphis (9-1)
Next Opponent: vs. East Carolina (Nov. 25)

Since Memphis has already secured a berth in the AAC Championship, this weekend's contest against East Carolina means exactly two things: fuckin' nothin' and Jack Shit. Depending on how things fall out, the Tigers will play either Central Florida or South Florida for the conference crown, and from there? It's a bit preposterous to think a 11-1 Memphis team is making the final four, but they MIGHT find themselves snaking their way into a big New Year's Eve bowl game ... but which one, exactly?

South Florida (9-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Central Florida (Nov. 25)

IF South Florida beats Central Florida Saturday, they win the AAC East and, by proxy, earn themselves a date with Memphis a fortnight from now. And if South Florida can beat UCF and Memphis back-to-back, common sense would dictate they'd probably get a big New Year's bowl game for their efforts. Hmm ... you think these guys might be able to sneak their way into the Peach Bowl, or hell, even maybe the Rose Bowl come 2018?

Auburn (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Alabama (Nov. 25)

After throttling Louisiana Monroe 42-14 Saturday, for Auburn the whole kit and caboodle comes down to the 81st running of the Iron Bowl this weekend. It's real simple folks: if Auburn wins, they go to the SEC Championship, and if they beat Georgia (again), they're practically guaranteed a spot in the National Playoffs. Of course, that's way easier said than done - after all, all we're asking them to do is beat an 11-o Alabama team with a historically great defense ... 

The last time Louisiana gave up that much yardage, France got 50 million Francs richer.

Ohio State (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Michigan (Nov. 25)

This year's Ohio State/Michigan game don't have nowhere near its usual luster, thanks in part to the Wolverines looking like caca heading into the contest and the Buckeyes assuredly taking it easy since they've already got a berth in the conference championship game secured. Alas, even if Ohio State beats Wisconsin two weeks from now, it's a total crap shoot whether or not the team makes the playoffs - with a couple of one-loss teams ahead of them in the rankings, it would take nothing short of a miracle for the chips to fall in such a way that THE Ohio State makes it into THE four-team playoffs.

TCU (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Baylor (Nov. 25)

There's no doubt that TCU ought to get past Baylor this Saturday, and if they do (and by God, they really don't have an excuse not to) that means they'll be locking horns with Oklahoma for the Big 12 title next week. But if they somehow lose and Oklahoma State wins against Kansas, LOLOOPS, TCU will probably wind up playing in the Belk Bowl or the Dollar General Bowl or something equally pointless. So needless to say - these fucks better win, for a litany of reasons.

USC (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D. (Dec. 01)

The Trojans' regular season is done and now they await either Stanford, Washington or Washington State for next week's PAC-12 Championship tilt. Of course, even if they win the conference title, it's extremely unlikely that USC will make the playoffs - indeed, it's such a foregone conclusion that USC is Rose Bowl-bound that you kinda' have to wonder why they're even bothering with a championship game at all this year.

Notre Dame (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Stanford (Nov. 25)

The Irish ain't going nowhere nice on New Years, but they can play spoilers and wreck Stanford's holiday plans by besting the always singular Cardinal this Saturday. It's kinda' difficult determining which bowl game Notre Dame will end up in; their record isn't good enough to get them in one of the Big Six, but you'd assume they'd get something a little bit more high profile than the TaxSlayer Bowl, wouldn't you?

Penn State (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Maryland (Nov. 25)

Win or lose against Maryland, Penn State won't be doing much of anything over the next few weeks. Already eliminated from the Big 10 title race (and, thus, the National Playoffs bonanza) the Nittany Shh-Don't-Tell-Your-Parents-About-Our-Secret-Activities will be sidelined until New Years rolls around - where they will no doubt be participating in a utterly meaningless bowl game, which, yeah, is still preferable to remaining silent about three decades' worth of child sex abuse.

Huh - that's the first time I've had to type "Penn State" and "one-handed grab" without it referring to child abuse.

Washington State (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Washington (Nov. 25)

The Cougars can get into the PAC-12 Championship Game, but it's going to take some help. First, Washington State has to beat Washington, which, in and of itself, is an uphill challenge. But even worse than that? Even if they DO beat the Huskies, Washington State still needs a clearly demoralized and unmotivated Notre Dame squad to beat Stanford this weekend, too. Sheesh - why not ask these boys to go move a couple of mountains while they're at it?

Washington (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Washington State  (Nov. 25)

Washington can punch their tickets to the PAC 12 Championship Game if and only if two things happen. First, they gotta' take care of Washington State Saturday, which they probably can. But secondly, they've got to pray and hope Notre Dame gives enough of a shit to show up against Stanford this weekend and actually try to win their final game of the regular season. So all that to say - Washington fans, you have my condolences.

Boise State (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Fresno State (Nov. 25)

Well, this is fucked up. This Saturday, Boise State will take on Fresno State in each team's respective regular season finale. And then, on Dec. 2, Boise State will take on Fresno State AGAIN, this time to determine the Mountain West Champion. Now, it's never apropos to say a football game is completely meaningless, but kids - this game coming up Saturday is just about as close to goddamn meaningless as anything in this world.

San Diego State (8-2)
Next Opponent: vs. New Mexico (Nov. 24)

Well, even with a win over New Mexico, the Aztecs will be sidelined for the Mountain West Championship Game, which has already been booked as Boise State vs. Fresno State. Of course, SDSU is certainly bowl eligible, but it seems unlikely the team would get a prominent showcase come New Years. But man - wouldn't it be a hoot to watch this team take on somebody like South Florida, or maybe even Texas Tech?

Troy (8-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Texas State (Nov. 24)

Well, seeing as how the Sunbelt Conference don't have a championship game, Troy's next two outings (against Texas State this weekend and at Arkansas State on Dec. 2) don't really account for much o' nothin'. Still, with a record that'll likely be 10-2, I suppose you can't count 'em out of a bowl game against a real Power Five opponent. Personally, I like the idea of pairing 'em against Michigan State - who wouldn't want to see a rematch between the Spartans and the Trojans, after all?

Holy hell, can you imagine how hard it must be for color-blind Boise State fans to watch this shit?

Toledo (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Western Michigan (Nov. 24)

With either a win over Western Michigan or Northern Illinois taking a loss this weekend, Toledo will automatically qualify for the MAC Championship Game, where they will probably go cleat-to-cleat with Akron (whom the Rockets beat earlier this season 48-21) or Ohio (whom beat Toledo 38-10 just a couple weeks back.) Regardless, you might want to keep an eye on Rockets running back Shakif Seymour - seeing as how he scored five touchdowns in Toledo's 66-37 win over Bowling Green State last Saturday, he's probably got a few more end zone visitations in him before the season's over and done for.

Stanford (8-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Notre Dame (Nov. 25)

Right now, the Cardinal control their own fate. If they beat the Irish this Saturday, they're guaranteed a slot in the PAC-12 Championship Game against USC. However, if they lose and Washington beats Washington State, the Huskies get the conference championship tickets and Stanford will, most likely, wind up playing in a bowl game that won't nobody ever watch, like the Independence Bowl or the Foster Farms Bowl. So, uh, is that a big enough incentive for 'em to bump off Notre Dame this weekend?

LSU (8-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Texas A&M (Nov. 25)

After trouncing Tennessee 30-10 over the weekend, LSU looks to end their regular season campaign with one more W as they go head-to-head with the Aggies. Guaranteed a winning record no matter what, of course the Tigers are liable to participate in some kind of bowl around the holidays - perchance even the Orange Bowl? 

Mississippi State (8-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Ole Miss (Nov. 23)

The Bulldogs came from behind to beat Arkansas 28-21 Saturday and now they're hoping to bump off the Rebels to improve to 9-3 on the year this Thursday. Mississippi State, naturally, won't be playing in a big bowl game this year, but they will be playing in one of them, somewhere. Uh, the Cactus Bowl, or the Alamo Bowl? Eh - like I can even try to make that kinda' shit sound exciting.

Northwestern (8-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Illinois (Nov. 25)

Following a 39-0 blanking of Minnesota, the Wildcats are on a six game winning streak - which they look to extend to seven against the Illini this Saturday. It's kinda' been a lost narrative this season, but Northwestern has the second-best record in the west side of the Big 10, and would be fighting for the conference crown had it not been for Wisconsin. Then again, to give you an idea of just how easy it is to win the division, the third place team in the sub-conference has seven losses, so, yeah - try not to pat yourself on the back too hard, guys.

Monday, November 20, 2017

This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom (Nov. 20th, 2017 Edition)

Trigger warning activated! Our biweekly recap of everything that irked, irritated and aggravated SJWs is back with a vengeance!

By: Jimbo X

When's a hate crime not a hate crime?

On Nov. 5, Devin Patrick Kelley walked into the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas and opened fire, ultimately killing 26 people before apparently committing suicide offsite roughly an hour or so later. Official investigators have since given the public little information on the perpetrator and his motives - you know, as if anyone could ever have a halfway decent excuse for murdering two dozen innocent people. Alas, that hasn't stopped the media from rattling their sabers (which I presume are of the safety-tipped variety) and blaming the mass shooting on - what else - too little gun control legislation

Now this is a drastic, drastic turnaround from the last major church shooting in these United States - Dylann Roof's rampage in Charleston, S.C. in 2015. There, the media - for what may be the first time in history - completely abandoned its anti-gun jihad and homed in on an entirely different scapegoat ... that, of course, being the gunman's unabashed racism. Instead of blaming easy access to weapons as the catalyst for the shooting that killed nine black worshipers, the media pinned the blame on white supremacy, the poisonous, rancorous, rebel-flag-clad ideology that pushed Roof and his stupid bowl cut haircut to exact bloody, hyper-ethnocentrist revengeance on the colored folks. Despite that "official" narrative, the media has yet to explain how Roof could be such a psychotic, hate-driven nigger-hater that his best friend was African-American, nor have they made much of a peep about the reams of evidence that suggest Roof actually meant to target a nearby college but shot up the church as a plan B once he realized security was too tight, but - asides, surely.

Considering the media's foaming, incensed reaction to Roof's hate crime (for which he will receive the death penalty, making him the first person in U.S. history to ever get executed under such a federal law), it's a little, I don't know, suspicious that the very same media that was so quick to blame white rage on the Charleston, S.C. massacre have said absolutely nothing about Kelley's rampage being an equally hate-driven killing spree. As stated earlier, there's no official police line on Kelley's "motives," but there's enough verified details floating around out there on the Internet to STRONGLY suggest that Kelley's rampage was indeed an act of anti-Christian terrorism.

Before the scourge of Social Justice Warrior-dom manifest itself in the wake of the Trayvon Martin shooting, it seemed like the great liberal counterpunch in the post-W. neoconservative culture war was going to be the atheist voting bloc. In the late 2000s and early 2010s, democratic atheism was far and away the most popular anti-conservative Internet movement in America. It was a default subreddit on the Reddit homepage, movies like Religulous were raking in beaucoup bucks and TV shows like South Park, Family Guy and Penn & Teller: Bullshit! were all espousing the new (anti) gospels to the masses. Even the definitive conspiracy theorist tract of our generation, Zeitgeist, begins with a 30-minute long fuck you to Christianity. The problem, of course, is that the vanguard of American atheism - The Amazing Atheist, Seth McFarlane, Bill Maher, Sam Harris, etc. - aren't exactly the most inclusive of spokespeople. Indeed, atheism was such an overwhelmingly white male phenomenon that it actually became a road block for the Democratic Party, seeing as how both women and people of color tend to be much more religious than honky men. And from there, liberals abandoned atheism for their own state religion - an impossibly syncretic voodoo offshoot combining feminism, gay pride, black power politics and any and all counter-Christian mythologies and folklore into a veritable jambalaya of politically correct nonsense, which - irony of ironies - posits the very same people who made up the bulk of the democratic reactionary atheism movement as evil incarnate.

When it comes to this Kelley shooter, there are two concrete knowns at this point. Number one, despite being dishonorably discharged from the military and racking up a domestic abuse arrest, he was still able to purchase a couple of guns - simply because the U.S. military bureaucracy forgot to relay his criminal past to the federal agency in charge of gun background checks (well, so much for that constant liberal refrain being a deterrent to mass shootings, eh?) And secondly - and this is the aspect the media has been deafeningly mum about - he was an ardent atheist. This account from The Sun does a pretty good job summing up the gunman's irreligious beliefs:

Hmm ... so a vehement, militant atheist just so happens to go on a mass murder spree, and the venue he selects for his lethal rampage just so happens to be a Baptist church on Sunday morning. Well shit, I reckon we can all agree, it's just coincidental. You know, the same way Skinheads just so happen to burn down black churches or radical Muslims just so happen to fire bomb synagogues.

And rather than perhaps fess up that the media-entertainment-industrial complex's foaming, festering resentment of all things Christian in modern society just might have been a contributing factor to the deaths of 26 innocent people, the liberal powers that be used the massacre to continue to mock Christians for their morals, virtues and beliefs.

Egotistical C-actor Wil Wheaton - yep, that annoying little queef from The Curse - took to Twitter to lambaste Paul Ryan, stating "the murdered victims were in a church. If prayers did anything, they'd still be alive, you worthless sack of shit." Strangely, I can't imagine Wheaton ever telling a gaggle of Jews, Sikhs or Muslims going through a tragedy that their prayers are fucking worthless, but then again, this Wheaton pussy fart probably also thinks criminal background checks would've thwarted the shooting ... which, uh, it totally didn't.

You kinda' have to wonder what "epidemic" Middler's talking about, seeing as how the number of mass shooting incidents in he U.S. last year was actually a quarter lower than the number of mass shootings in 1998 and only half the number of such mass shootings in 1992. Furthermore, you kinda' have to wonder what the N.R.A. has to do with the roughly 40 percent of gun violence that stems from weapons illegally procured through drug dealers, the black market or just flat out stolen from homes and businesses ... a slice of the national firearms crimes pie that a.) is twenty times larger than the number of crimes committed by individuals who bought weapons at gun shows and b.) completely impossible to legislate because the actions are in and of themselves crimes already. And boy, if that blew her mind, I can only imagine what's she going to (not) do when finds out three-quarters of all mass shootings in the U.S. are, well ... committed by black folks.

Leave it to Wall Street Journal writer Bill McGurn to offer seemingly the only contrarian take on the mass shooting. On an episode of Fox & Friends, he tore into politicians and celebrities who belittled individuals who offered "thoughts and prayers" to the victims of tragedies. "In fact, in this they seem to have more in common with the shooter who, from the reports, sort of a militant atheist on Facebook, and talking about how stupid churchgoers were," McGurn said. "I thought no one could outdo the NFL players in stupidity - just alienating the people who pay their salaries - but watching these tweets, it's just incredible."

I'll have to correct you Bill - those celebrities attacking "thoughts and prayers" aren't like the Texas church shooter, they're the exact same kind of people, individuals whose blinding, slobbery-mouthed vehemence of Christianity effectively reduces its adherents to subhuman scum. Alas, we'll see if the feds ever turn the massacre into a hate crime investigation - not that the mainstream media would ever accept it as a legitimate act of religious persecution, since that requires them to acknowledge Christians have the inherent right to exist. 

Which, as apparent by the media coverage and reaction to the shooting, is something I wouldn't expect in a million years.

Louis C.K. admits to forcing women to watch him masturbate

Me and my girlfriend tried to watch a Louis C.K. special a few years back and about 20 minutes in, we both decided to nope our ways on out. The point of no return was when the "comedian" told a joke about finding the corpse of a child in the wilderness and having sex with it. "Who in the hell thinks that's funny?" my other of significance asked. That's the same question I had, as my morbid curiosity compelled me to stomach my way through the rest of Louis' painfully unfunny and painfully creepy set, which concluded with a real rib tickler about Louis intently watching his daughter's butthole while she took a dump. It was around that point that I knew this fucker wasn't right in the head, and now, my suspicions have been more then validated. In early November, news broke that five women had accused C.K. of sexually harassing them. And by "harassing" them, I mean he literally pulled his penis out on front of them and started jerking his chicken right then and there on their shoes. In a feeble, desperate attempt at damage control, C.K. - who, despite being one-third Jewish and one-third Mexican, has made a career out of self-disparaging "anti-white" humor - issued the following mea culpa:
"These stories are true. At the time, I said to myself that what I did was okay because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true. But what I learned later in life, too late, is that when you have power over another person, asking them to look at your dick isn't a question. It's a predicament for them. The power I had over these women is that they admired me. And I wielded that power irresponsibly."
Alas, apologies for dick whipping aside, the devastation has already been done. A movie just days away from release directed by C.K. has been dropped by its distributors, and considering how toxic the Louis name is in Hollywood right now, it's pretty much a given that he's going to be blacklisted for at least a couple of more years. That said, with rumors about Louis' now-confirmed-sex-criminal behavior floating around for years, what exactly kept sycophants like Rolling Stone - whose own 2012 hagiography referred to him as "The Jerk Off Genius" - and Jon Stewart from spilling the beans they almost assuredly knew about? Eh - something tells me it just wasn't because they wanted a sequel to Pootie Tang to roll around someday ...

The mass media lies like a rug to make you think Donald Trump doesn't know how to feed koi 

During Donald Trump's whirlwind tour of Asia earlier this month, the media positively devoured "news" that the President of the United States - in typical, buffoonish "Drumpf" behavior - dumped an entire box of fish feed into a koi pond while visiting Japanese Prime Minster (and hardline World War II atrocity denier) Shinzo Abe. A CNN write-up of the incident declared Trump's gaffe "a grand gesture met with some laughter," while CBS News called it an episode that took the state visit "from formal to fishy," and a sight that "drew smiles and chuckles" from Trump's gobsmacked hosts. Meanwhile, the Twitter accounts for TrivWorks and CNN anchor Brian Fallon immediately seized the opportunity to compare Trump's behavior to Obama's, clearly implying that Donald's predecessor was the far more presidential of the two. Alas, there's just one tiny, teeny complication to the story here: chiefly, the fact that Abe dumped all of his fish food out first and Trump was merely imitating his gesture. Indeed, if you go back and re-read those first two CNN and CBS News accounts, you'll note that the authors - damn near at the bottom of their respective stories - noted that Abe did empty his koi feed bucket first (with the CBS one declaring Abe apparently seemed to do that, despite their being ample visual proof), but the bulk of their stories and selectively edited videos - complete with subbed in cartoon music! - don't just imply, but matter of factly declare Trump's actions were the result of his own ignorance and cultural incompetence.  Of course, that begs the question - if the mainstream media would go that far to manipulate its readers into thinking Trump's too stupid to feed fish, just how much more chicanery is going in on their coverage of news that actually matters?

Newsweek asks: why is the alt-right so prejudiced against pedophiles?

On Oct. 30, students at Columbia University protesting a Mike Cernovich speech were photographed carrying a banner reading "no white supremacy, no pedo-bashers, no Mike Cernovich." Now, according to the person who allegedly snapped the photograph, the people holding the banners weren't Antifa crusaders at all, but subterfuge alt-righters trying to play a massive, Tom Green-like prank on the university's hyper-liberal foot soldiers. Now, as for proof that this is indeed the case, alleged photog Jake Offenhartz has supplied the following supplemental visual evidence: absolutely nothing. Still, that didn't prevent Newsweek from running with Offenhartz's account of the events, stately matter of factly that the banner-carrying "anti-fascists" were actually incognito Donald Trump supporters who hate black people in an article that goes on to conflate the incident with that one time an armed dude went into Comet Ping Pong pizza and Milo Y.'s self-admitted underage homo-activity. The author of the story, Alexander Narzaryan (who, as an aside, looks like he's jacked off to loli hentai a couple of times in his life) later hypothetically mulls why right-of-center folks - in particular, the followers of Alex Jones - are so horrified by the idea of kid diddling, ultimately concluding the treatise with the oh so academic rejoinder "he who smelt it, dealt it." Get it, because he's accusing the people with a fervid hatred of pedophilia of being pedophiles themselves? Of course, considering ultra-liberal Hollywood's none-too-secret pedo problem - not to mention the fact that one of the Democratic Party's biggest financiers is a CONVICTED pedo - one would perhaps think that these anti-pedophile sentiments and concerns of politician-pederast wheeling and dealing might be realistically rooted. This is doubly true considering leftist shit rags like Salon have recently peddled pedophile apologia to the masses, including this 2016 article that declared "this pedophile is not a monster" - which has since been deleted from the website, although the original Twitter post remains for all to bear and witness. And maybe they have good reason to be worried about liberals when ideological torchbearers like The Huffington Post, the New York Times and Vice are all publishing stories that seek to place pedophiles in more favorable lights, if not outright advocate for - you guessed it - public acceptance for non-offender pedos. Of course, Newsweek's framing of the article puts them in a treacherous predicament - by laughing off the vaguely-defined "alt-right" pedo-phobia, they are in turn casting themselves as pedo-protectors and declaring, loudly and proudly, that the sexual abuse of children is no biggie. Which, in a roundabout manner, explains in full why the right-of-center is up in arms about the issue to begin with, don't it?

Gay British man convicted of murdering adopted daughter

Now you and I both know that homosexual men are without question the least violent kind of people on the planet, and they never, ever engage in sick and sadistic shenanigans. But alas, every ingroup has its outliers, I suppose, and over there in the U.K. Team Gay just notched another point in the Filicide Olympics. On Nov. 7, Matthew Scully-Hicks - who, in a grand act of defiance against LGBT stereotypes, was indeed a fitness trainer by trade - was convicted of the May 2016 murder of the 18-month child he and his husband had adopted barely two weeks earlier.  According to police accounts, Hicks - who was suspected of abusing the child for nearly a year before the courts officially granted he and his butt-buddy full custody rights - killed the toddler by violently shaking her and striking her in her teeny, tiny baby skull for having, and this is in the murderer's own words "a full diva strop." Alas, while murdering a defenseless 18-year-old baby seems like the kind of crime that would get people the death penalty, Scully-Hicks was instead giving a relatively light sentence of just 18 years behind bars. Of course, the horrific incident raises a LOT of questions about the state of social services in the U.K., particularly in regards to how Scully-Hicks was granted custody rights to the child despite hospitalizing her TWICE before murdering her. Alas, that's the state of the United Kingdom for you - where the powers that be are so hell bent on fostering "equality" and "diversity" that they can overlook the occasional toddler beaten to death by a homosexual.

Jesse Jackson accused of sexual misconduct ... again

Just when I thought accusations of George Takei sexually assaulting a male model 20 years his junior would be the most ironically-satisfying-cum-tragic news item of the week, here comes the good Reverend hisself to up the ante. In an article published Nov. 6 by The Root, reporteress Danielle Young accuses Jesse Jackson of groping her during a photo shoot, stating "as I walked within arm's reach of him, Jackson reached out a hand and grabbed my thigh, saying 'I like all of that right there!' and gave my thigh a tight squeeze." In the same article, Young cites an unnamed colleague who also claims to have been given the bad touch by Jackson, who (purportedly) said "I remember him being inappropriate with all the women. And I also remember you telling me that he did something more with you. And then we brushed the shit off and chalked it up to him just being a dirty old man." Of course, such behavior really shouldn't be surprising considering the Reverend's long history of fathering children out of wedlock and berating gay coworkers with an impressive arsenal of homophobic slurs. And if Young's accusations turn out to be fruitless, after all? Well, let's just chalk it up to cosmological payback for perpetrating not one but two racist rape hoaxes over the last 30 years.

This week in absurd, violent and absurdly violently black crime ...

As we all know, African-American people are oft-stereotyped, and we here at The Internet Is In America want to do our part to dispel some of these hurtful, erroneous and overstated accusations and allegations. Which is why I wanted to run down a slate of recent horrific (and bizarre beyond words) criminal acts committed by people who just so happen to be black to show you just how atypical such behavior is on their race's part. Remember: just because some black people do really, really bad things doesn't mean we should prejudicially castigate and criticize all of them for the lamentable actions of a small number of African-Americans - after all, that kind of wide-net generalization is only good for condemning white people, who are all guilty of mass murder by proxy of their deficient melanin levels.

And then there's the troubling case of Jimmy Webb, a 79-year-old man who was beaten to death by two home intruders in Virginia. "A man, asleep in the middle of town, the house gets broken into and he gets murdered for no apparent - there's no rationale for it," said Greensville Country Commonwealth Attorney Patricia Watson. "This is a very inconspicuous house, on a very inconspicuous street, in the middle of town. It cannot be random." Alas, despite two individuals being arrested in Washington D.C. inside Webb's stolen vehicle, police have yet to identify the two suspects - or show the public their mug shots. Which, of course, means but one thing - those goddamn Chinese are at it again, naturally.

Your weekly round-up of the latest on-campus absurdities

Of course, you can't have a column called This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom without taking a nice, long gander at the Western world's foremost hot bed of SJW wackiness, the gilded halls of academia. Below are some recent-ish collegiate happenings that'll have you scratching your head - and then shaking your fists in anger, since your tax dollars are probably being used to fund all this nonsense.

And if you thought the state of higher education in the States was woeful, just wait 'til you see they're having to put up with in Canada. Staff at Vancouver Island University have hit their employer with a 105-page human rights complaint after they were forced to accommodate a "special needs" student who attended classes in full diaper fetish regalia. According to the CBC, "the student in his 40s asked to be treated as an infant, demanding children's books to be read to him, speaking in a baby voice, wearing a soother and even submitting a selfie of himself in a diaper to one instructor," who stated "she believes that as soon as the university knew the student had what it terms an 'atypical sexual drive that he may impose on non-consenting individuals,' staff needed warning."

In other words - it looks like we're building a wall at the wrong fucking border.

Supporters of Atlanta mayoral candidate send out robo-calls demanding Atlanta remain "black"

The results of the 2017 Atlanta mayoral race are in, and there's going to be a runoff between the top two general election vote-getters; Dolores Umbridge impersonator Mary Norwood and Keisha Lance-Bottoms, who looks like the most evil bitch in every black high school movie ever made. Speaking of Lance-Bottoms, some controversy was a-brewin' in the days leading up to the election when a gaggle of her supporters (deeming themselves "Citizens for Keisha," although there is no website or social media presence for said group anywhere on the 'net) started sending out robocalls demanding they vote for her in order to, and this is a direct quote - "keep Atlanta black." Of course, Lance-Bottoms vehemently denied having anything to do with the taped messages, with some Keisha proponents theorizing the robocalls were actually fabrications drummed up by mayoral also-ran Mitchell Caesar targeting white voters, who in a fairly suspicious, well-formatted and instantly available press release, announced "it is sad and unfortunate that she is playing the race card to drum up support." Of course, it's about 50/50 whether the thing is a great big election mudslinging hoax or there really are super-prejudiced P.O.C in Atlanta wanting them honkies outta' there. Still, it's more than just a little suspicious that the story has received so little play outside of the Atlanta/Roswell/Sandy Springs M.S.A. - surely, the fine, outstanding barons of modern media would remain just as ambivalent had the lone white male in the race sent out calls demanding "make Atlanta white again," no? 

NBC News blames video gamers for the rise of white supremacy

Well, if you ever wondered if objective journalism as an American institution was deader than the milkman and one hour photo industry, this little NBC News tirade from late October might as well represent the medium's final death nail. Completely eschewing any and all semblances of impartiality, the four-minute-long "news" item contains no actual news - indeed, it's basically a mini-propaganda film direly, desperately trying to find a way to connect video game culture with far right white supremacist culture. From the outset - in which ominous, creepy piano music underscores a young woman speaking about "Nazis" at the Charlottesville march, despite the fact Nazis haven't existed since 1945 - you just know this thing is going to be shameless agitprop, through and through. Unable to find a real expert for the story, NBC News relied upon the maddened musings of a PhD candidate at the University of Waterloo Games Institute, who authored a study that unscientifically links GamerGate to the rise of the nondescriptly defined "alt-right," complete with a series of uncited and unsourced tweets allegedly showing online commentators threatening to murder and rape ... well, NBC News doesn't tell us, actually. From there, the (s)hitpiece says Xbox Live and the PlayStation Network have become "havens of hate speech against women and minorities," even though I'm pretty sure people were telling nigger jokes and calling women "broads" and "bitches" in arcades back in the heyday of Pong and Asteroids. This is coupled by a clip of a guy jokingly telling a fellow gamer "do they let women play Call of Duty in America?", which is immediately cushioned by footage of the Friday the 13th video game showing Jason decapitating - what else? - a black woman. Then they get a talking head from the SPLC - which, despite their name, is apparently not all that concerned about ameliorating southern poverty these days - who blames, of all things, Discord for facilitating neo-Nazi group meet-ups - complete with images of the Charlottesville march superimposed over a white kid playing an Xbox360. Then, the narrator - without a single shred of evidence - says Discord communique was instrumental in arranging the meeting that lead to the death of Heather Heyer, which, yeah, sounds like the kind of thing that should get these assholes sued silly. And for the grand finale, the narrator calls James Fields "a white supremacist" - despite white supremacy being a completely unmeasurable, inherently objective construct - who was clearly radicalized by those damned video game Klansmen because one time in 2010, his mama told him to stop playing so much Everquest. Well, not that it's a surprise to anybody, but the video has become one of the most poorly received in YouTube history, with the clip amassing about 400 likes and 46,000 dislikes as of Nov. 17. There are already hundreds, hell, maybe even thousands of videos on YouTube dispelling the NBC News' clip's assertions, and this one does as good a job as any I've seen summing up everything the sensationalist little screed got wrong (which includes a pretty fair amount of stealing and using the copyright protected videos of others without their permission or compensation.) Since then, the producer of the video, Melanie Bencosme, has kept her Twitter profile private, and her official website is suspiciously devoid of professional references, for some odd reason. Which means, of course, that it's only a matter of time until she gets hired by Buzzfeed or Vice, where she will no doubt continue to produce five-star video "journalism" that would've made Pravda proud. Hell, Rachel Maddow might be hitting her up with a job offer as we speak - not that MSNBC gives half a shit about accuracy in reporting, considering that special they aired earlier this year, claiming the term "SJW" stood for "stingy jew" and that "traps" are "hot girls racists want to rape."

And that, in a nutshell, is what constitutes "journalism" in America these days - and if that isn't enough proof it's time to put the medium out to pasture altogether, I don't know what is.

... and a few headlines that speak for themselves ...